{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Sunday, November 11, 2007

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I chatted with Fang Ping in the afternoon today.
(Ha.. i prefer to call her Fang Ping instead. 3years. hard to change.)
Is a solid few hours chat on msn.
I can just easily throw her all my problems.
Thanks for being my listening ear like always since sec 4.
Haha... though i scolded a lot.
But i'm just saying what i feel.
I'm someone who voice it out. Thanks for knowing.

I'm a human being too!
I have FEELINGS.
My own feelings.
feelings, what is that.
To you guys, feelings may be different to you.
Some would say, "feelings ah. BGR loh. He/She give me the feelings can liao."
Some would say, "feelings ah. Friendships."
Some would say, "feelings ah. Family."
To me. It's friendships and family. The first one is not for me.

Friendships.
It comes and goes everytime.
There are different type of friendship in the world.

The first one is a very common one.
Is call the "Used to be Friends." -term by me!
One moment you can be so close with him/her. Chatting almost everything.
Another moment you and him/her totally become stranger.
Even if you see one another on the road, you also won't say Hi or Bye.
Why is it like this?
I myself don't know too.
I had a few friends who are in these category too.
I wanted to say "Hi" so much to him/her. But i just can't bring myself to say it.
I always think that maybe they don't even want to say it to me or they wanted to pretend they don't know me.
That is why, i always "Hi" with those that actually "Hi" with me first.
I'm sorry if i may appear to be "dao" or "cool" sometimes .
I just want to protect myself from being hurt.

Second Type.
The "get close to you because you are rich/talented/clever/popular."
Very familiar right?
Well, you find it everyway.
Some friends just get close to you becuase you are rich/talented/clever/popular.
Yes, i do have friends who are like that. I don't deny. I had been through that too.
Even now, i don't even know is she/he using me or not.

1st - Rich. Some friends find that you are richer than them therefore they come close to you. Because rich means, more friends and gain popularity fast.

2nd - Talented. Some friends find that you are able to play some instrument/draw art piece and etc., eventually tries to get close to you. So that you are able to teach them and therefore, they may be able to actually gain from it and Hao Lian (show off) to their other friends.

3rd - Clever. Some friends find that you are clever. So that they can actually take your homework back to copy it or worst, use your credits too.

4th - Popular. This is the most familiar 1. Some friends get close to you when you are very popular in school. Because they know that getting close to you means they may get popular too.

But all this are not true friends at all.

True friends.
Who are they.
How do you know they are your true friends.
This is a questions that many could not really answer well.
Me too.
I can't.

I think true friends, are one who stayed beside you through thin and thick.
Cared for you.
Give a helping hand when you need help. Though they can't help much, at least they asked, not like those who leave you alone to die.
Willing to lend a pair listening ear.

Family.
I had no problems for it.
Unless sometimes.
It can't be help.
Being the youngest in the family, many would say, "aiya. sure being pamper a lot."
This sentences, i heard it millions of times.
Yes, i agree to standard extend.
I do get pampered sometimes. And i really mean it. It's only sometimes.
I am not those who want what gets what.
But, being the youngest in the family, i do set my own target too.
My target is my sister. Dearest Sister.
Since young, i love to use her to compare with myself.
Ok, i know many people will come to me and say, "Siao. compare for what?"
Yeah, i understand. But that actually make me go much better.

We went to the same kindergarden. Bt Timah Methodist Church.
Results for both of us were almost the same.

We went to the same primary school. Keming Primary School.
Things changed.
She's always in the first 2 class.
While i always land in those classes behind. Like f,g,h (last few class of em2.)
She always score like 250.
While i only score like 189.
I wonder, how come i go for so many tuition class and study so hard.
I still can't be like her?

Then we went to separate secondary school due to the result.
She was a triple science student.
And me, Double science.
That time sec 2 collection of report books with parents was the most terrible day for me.
My teacher said, "Hwee Kee, you did very well for this year. Lots of A and B. But your english is still a C5. However, we had decided to put you in for Pure Double science instead of Pure Triple science."
My heart almost dropped at the moment.
I mean, how come i can't get in when i scored that well.
O level, nothing to say.
I still remembered very sentence my sister said to my teacher.
I overheard it. She actually knew what i was thinking.
And yes, don't be shock!
I went for counseling before.
Yes!
It's COUNSELING!
My chinese teacher thinks that i am under some stress, problems and she can't help me anymore.
Actually send me to counseling.
And i went for one whole year!

Then she went to a JC.
and me, poly. right now.
Totally different route.

There she went to NTU.
While me? I doubt i can go.
My results are like shit.

Others.
She had a piano grade 8 with her. And she's going for Dip AB soon.
And me, a beginner.
Sometimes at home seeing and hearing her play makes my heart go so sick.
I don't know.
Really hate it.

I know is not good to compare. I know that since day 1.
But, as said, it can't be help.
Everyone find their own target to set.
And she's the one.
Coz to me....
She's like the most perfect.

Ok.
What a post.
I don't know what happened to me recently.
I got lots to say.
But i don't know who i can turn to.
How to start.
I don't know.
My heart feels so heavy.
It's getting more and more heavy as the day pass.

Limits.
Yes, everyone have that.
And as what i told fang ping, my limits had already burst long ago and people still don't know yet.
Yes, she knows.
Some people behave in a very weird way. i just don't understand. WHY!
I mean, if you want someone to stop it. You yourself have to stop it.
I have already controlled myself with that nonsense long enough.
STOP THAT!
and fang ping said, "有些东西对我很不利!"
Yeah, agreed.
Just like some incidents.
I did nothing.
And there someone points it at me and ask me to "stop it."
I hate that ok!

I really really miss Shi Hui, Xin Yi, Jun Ru, Pei Juan, Lionel and Jason LOTS.
My close friends.
They always light up my life.
Esp jason's joke.
haha.
Just told him i try the secret song.(yes, i can play part of that. like finally.)
And he actually ask me not to play so fast. Wait i go to the future.
Super lame. I know.
Shi Hui's advices. I like. She always advice and give me sense of direction like the recent problems i had.
And the rest. Who always advice me too. and not sure why, i throw my problems to them easily.

And to them, i will go on saturday no matter what happens.

ok. it's 4.30am now.
Enough of my rubbish.
I can't sleep.
got to finish up BA now.
and study CA later.
PS: i spend 4 hours in front of the piano and most of my time in front of the laptop today. time to wake up.

emo freak.

2:59 AM;

N {Me}

HuiQi
0606
Gemini
Pianist

N {Achievements/Goals}

Open online shop - Done on 2006
Clear Music Theory G4 - Done on Nov 2008
Diploma in Accountancy and Finance - Done on May 2009
Pursue Full Time Accounting and Finance in SIM-UOL - Done on June 2009
Driving license in class 3 - Done on Oct 2009
Clear Music Theory G5 - Done on Oct 2009
Sold the first 10000 Pieces of masks
Clear Music Theory G6
Clear Music Theory G7
Clear Music Theory G8
Be a certified Music Theory Teacher
Be an accountant
Earn my first $$$$
Get a car without the help of parents

N {Wish}

Pass all modules
White Grand Piano
Learn Cello ASAP
tac-designs to be in world list (dreaming...)
sprees-heaven business to grow bigger!
more $$$

N {Twitter}

follow me on Twitter

N {Chat}

N {Darlinks}